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My Best Not Enough
Photo: Hector Landaeta
He had an infectious grin that paired perfectly with the mischievous sparkle in his eyes. He was a natural born leader and full of energy. It was my first year as a full time teacher and I will never forget him.

I had spent the summer meticulously planning my classroom rules and procedures. However, he did not fit the obedient and docile students that I had pictured in my head and planned for on paper. His temper tantrums and fiery anger confused and scared me. I tried all the theories I had learned in my college courses and asked for advice from more experienced colleagues. I knew the situation could not continue for the rest of the school year. I was spending all of my time dealing with him, leaving no time for my other students. I was exhausted and deeply discouraged.

I called his mother in for multiple conferences to discuss strategies and expectations. But the day I had dreaded finally arrived despite all my best efforts. I had to look his mother in the face and tell her that her son was no longer welcome in our school. It was the hardest moment of my life and I felt a profound sense of failure.

Overwhelmed with the Responsibility

As a new mother, I frequently look at my daughter and am overwhelmed with the responsibility of bringing her up to be a God-fearing woman. I have tried to do my best to prepare, read, and plan but I know all of my shortcomings and I want so much more for her.

However I know, deep down, that just like with my student, my best will not be enough. I will and have messed up; losing my temper, not taking time to listen, and countless other mistakes. The thought is humbling and terrifying at the same time.

But when I am wallowing in worry and regret God softly reminds me of His grace. He covers my paltry efforts that will never be good enough on my own. If I will allow Him to use me, He will bless even my most feeble attempts if I will only ask.

“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).

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By MiKaela Miller. Copyright © 2014 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW KING JAMES VERSION © 1982.

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