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Behind
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I’m always behind. Always. There is always something I was supposed to do. Something that needed to be accomplished yesterday but didn’t get checked off the list. And that list? It’s a mile long. And it never seems to get shorter. I can never catch up. I can’t think of the last time I woke up in the morning and thought, “Ahhh…  what shall I do today??”
 
And it wears. This sense of failure. Of feeling I am not on top of things. Feeling like I’m scrambling to make it through each day without completely losing my cool. That I am not keeping up with my household responsibilities or my work roles or my commitments. It’s not a fun feeling.
 
Being behind and having a gigantic to-do list is just… life. But the feelings of being a failure, of doubting my value as a mother/wife/friend/employee, of questioning whether I should even bother trying? That is not life. That is the Evil One. 
 
He takes such great pleasure in moments when I feel anxious and incapable. He glories in my feelings of failure. In my days of living in the fog of not-as-wonderful-as-“her.” For him, that is a fun feeling.

Vicious Cycle
 
And he loves even more if my feelings cause me to throw up my hands and say, “Who cares!” The afternoons I spend accomplishing nothing because I stubbornly say to myself, “No one can be expected to do all this stuff so I’m just not doing anything today!” Of course, ironically, that just means that waking up the next morning brings the failure down even more intensely. A vicious cycle. A cycle he loves to spin.
 
So what to do? Burn the list? Probably wouldn’t help. Make fewer commitments? Possibly. Stop listening to the Evil One? Absolutely.
 
Instead, of mantras of failure, I will choose to repeat a few simple verses of life-giving Scripture to myself.
  • There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus… (Romans 8)
  • This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it… (Psalm 118)
  • I am fearfully and wonderfully made… (Psalm 139)
  • Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest… (Matthew 11)
  • Walk as children of the light… (Ephesians 5) 
There is nothing like the words of the Lord to send him packing... Oh!  I need to add packing to my list!!

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By Joelle Yamada. Copyright © 2013 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the English Standard Version ©.


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