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I was never the kind of girl to have a list. A “list,” in girl language, is a literal list of attributes—that could reasonably be confused for mandatory qualities— that the list holder would like any future love interests to have. “He has everything on my list!” is a common phrase heard in the girl world. Now, there’s nothing wrong with having a list, I just never took the time to seriously think about what would be on it.

I may be new to lists, but I’ve been living in this world, observing people, for twenty years now; so I’ve learned a few things. For example, I’ve learned that very few girls hold true to their lists. They have all these standards and expectations and, when a guy comes along, completely drop their lists in the mud. Sometimes for the best, sometimes not.

List-making may not be a bad thing, but it may not be a good thing. List or not, anyone who is looking to spend the rest of their lives with someone should watch those around them and notice the qualities that are worth admiring. The qualities that make you smile, the qualities that make you say, “Yeah, I would love a life of that.” There are amazing people out there with remarkable qualities. Look for those.

There is nothing more refreshing than meeting a person who is grateful to be alive. Getting to spend a life with such a person, one who sees each day as a gift and each breath as a second chance, would be a very inspiring life; one to be extremely grateful for. It should not be enough to say you want to be with someone who knows God and is “saved.” What is that if they are not grateful for every single new day and live their life accordingly?

Finds Good in Everyone

There are so many cruel people in the world, and I don’t just mean dictators, murderers or modern-day slave drivers— those would not be a good match for anyone—I mean the bullies, mockers, exploiters. Those who are subtly, but efficiently, cruel. A person who refuses to join in mocking someone that everyone else is mocking, who automatically finds the good in everyone, who will stand up for the ones that can’t stand at all, that person may be great to spend the rest of your life with.

Look for people with a sense of responsibility, responsibility to others, the example they’re setting and to the footprint they will leave in this world. Look for people who spend most of their time smiling, look for people who are passionate about something good. Look for people you wouldn’t want to change, look for those that make you desperately want to be better.

Most importantly, don’t look for someone perfect. Not only because there is no such perfect person, but because perfect is boring. Perfection leaves no room for above and beyond, for the really, really good. While, yes, you must go through the flaws and the scars to get there, the above and beyond moments are above and beyond worth it, much better than any list.

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By Raquel Levy. Copyright © 2011 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.


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